Letters to Stefan
by Wreckless Righter
Summary: Living in Paris with Elijah, Elena is learning to become a vampire. But Elijah's mentoring doesn't fill that hole in her heart. The one that only a certain Salvatore can fill...
1. Chapter 1

**LETTERS TO STEFAN**

**Rated: **K+ for now.**  
Beta: **D.B. Rose  
**Disclaimer: **Dearest Julie Plec and L.J. Smith, I hope you enjoy owning your characters. Cause I sure as hell don't! Love, Me.

*Note: The story takes place after Elena has been turned, so clearly Alaric is dead. Klaus...well, you'll see.

* * *

Paris, France. 2012.

The cushioned window seat of the hotel room was definitely not as comforting as the one in her own bedroom back at Mystic Falls. But then, her bedroom didn't have a spectacularly breath-taking view of the Eiffel Tower, nor did it look down at all of the posh fashionistas sauntering through Paris, mingling with the pretentious tourists who thought that looked so very French but in reality, just stood out like a sore thumb.

Sure, the Eiffel Tower was beautiful. The light show at night was dazzling, but it got tiresome after a while. Elena Gilbert was more focused on the people. She'd sit and watch them for hours, trying to figure out just how they lived their lives 24 stories down on the ground. Occasionally, she'd walk out onto the balcony and watch from there, taking in everything with her newly strengthened senses. The scents of cigarette smoke, espresso, and pastries. The beautiful slurs of French conversations and vendors. She'd never really been one to people-watch but being a vampire kind of drew you to them that way. Being away from home made her lonely, too. She looked to the crowds for solace in her seclusion.

Mystic Falls would be better off without her there, for a while. All of the supernatural incidents and all of the deaths were a result of the invisible target forever implanted into her back. Every situation was just a new reason or way to kill her. The town was safer if she was gone. But she missed her friends. She really missed Jeremy. The only person she had now was Elijah Mikaelson. And as accommodating as he was, he didn't fill the void in her heart.

He agreed to help her learn to be a vampire on one finite condition – that Bonnie help to get Klaus back. After the mayhem that erupted from Klaus possessing Tyler's body, Bonnie decided it was the least – and last – she could do. She disappeared from town before Elijah and Elena had left. Klaus's return wasn't as catastrophic since his hybrid blood supply had been cut short. Instead he focused his time on Caroline, and it eventually paid off.

Here she sat, Elena Gilbert, vampire. Never in her life would she have imagined it. But she probably should have expected it. She glanced around the hotel room, still marveling that she was really in Paris, and really in this expensive hotel room. The bed was enormous with 1000-thread count sheets, all crème colored, and more pillows than she knew what to do with. There was _real _gold etched into the designs on the walls. Definitely compulsion, at its finest. The floral notebook in her lap stared up at her, the words on the pages penned neatly in cursive. She had read it over one last time before sending it out...

_Dear Stefan,_

_I know this isn't very modern, considering technology has given us emailing and cell phones. But I guess I just feel more comfortable writing an actual letter. Reminds me of writing in my diary._

_I'm sorry I left the way I did. I just couldn't stay in Mystic Falls. After being turned, it didn't feel right to stay and put all of the people I've known my whole life in danger. Not while I'm still learning how to feed. I'm sure I'll come back one day once I get this new me under control. _

_The one thing I want you to understand is that it is NOT your fault that I became a vampire. No one could have guessed what Meredith would do. Or Rebekah, for that matter... I know that you wanted to save me, but I couldn't let Matt die. He didn't deserve to, especially when he was just trying to save me. He's a good guy. And me? Well, I've been on death's list pretty much since the name Klaus was spoken. Maybe it just finally caught up to me. _

_Elijah and I are in Paris, at the moment. (I know he said we'd go far from home where no one knew me, but Paris? I guess 'far' is an understatement.) It's great. We stay at a hotel that's right across from the Eiffel Tower and the barista at the café downstairs has been teaching me French. She's the only nice person I've met in France. I have a sneaking suspicion that Elijah may have compelled her, though. _

_I know, you're not thrilled with Elijah being the one to show me the ropes, but you have to understand. You and Damon care too much about me. I don't want any bias. And...well... you both have your tendencies to fall off the wagon from time to time. No offense. But Elijah's been a great mentor, so far. I haven't had to kill a single human yet, thank god, but I'm still having a hard time curbing my hunger. I finally get it, Stefan. _

_I get to see a lot of Caroline. She and Klaus come and visit any time they're in France. Now that I understand how it was when Caroline was first turned, we've gotten a lot closer. _

_Damon's come to see me once or twice. I have to say, I was surprised he came all the way out here. But it's nowhere near the same. Ever since that night when I told him I was driving back to you, he's been different. I guess he can't bring himself to forgive me. I don't think he's really faced the loss of Ric, either. I hope he'll be okay._

_Please tell Jeremy I miss him and I love him. I can't imagine he's doing too well. First Jenna, then Ric, now me. Just let him know it's not forever. Just for now._

_I miss you, Stefan._

_Love,  
Elena_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! My heart is eternally grateful. __Of course there's more. The title says LetterS - plural. _

_*I apologize that these are short right now. I imagine as time goes on, they'll expand in length._

* * *

Mystic Falls, Georgia.

It had been three weeks since Elena and Elijah had taken off and left Mystic Falls to its own. The only ones left in town were Matt, Jeremy and Stefan, but even Matt was debating leaving after graduation. Initially, Stefan wanted to go after her. But Elena begged him not to follow her. She claimed she wanted time to figure out her new life and that meant time away from him _and_ Damon. Instead, she asked him to stay with Jeremy while he finished school – something she'd insisted on before departing. He understood but it didn't mean he had to like it. He was overcome with guilt, day after day. The inner turmoil haunted him. It was his fault that she'd died and become a vampire. He should have tried to save them both. Damon would have saved her. And she would have hated him for it, but at least she'd still be alive. And she'd still be in Mystic Falls.

That afternoon, Stefan walked into the Gilbert household feeling that familiar sting of pain in his chest. It was so empty now. No Alaric. No Elena. Just Jeremy. Surprisingly, spending time with Jeremy seemed to help him mend. They developed an unexpected friendship, having bonded over the loss of Elena. And with Damon gone, Stefan could use the company. They helped each other.

He walked through the house, wondering where Jeremy was. It was so silent, but he couldn't hear movement anywhere. Thinking he might be in his room, Stefan trudged up the stairs to see for himself. As he approached the door to Jeremy's bedroom, he grabbed a hold of the paneling, bending his back as he leaned into the doorway.

"Jeremy?" he called.

He suddenly heard a rustling in the room next door – Elena's room. He walked all the way into Jeremy's room and found both doors of the connecting bathroom wide open. Through them, he saw Jeremy standing with his head bowed. Stefan heaved a sigh and walked over to the other door. He leaned against the doorway, folding his arms.

"You okay?"

Jeremy turned around, startled. He looked down at what was in his hand and held up Elena's cell phone with a somber smile.

"She forgot her phone."

Stefan glanced down at it, frowning, as Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed.

"How do you just forget to take your phone with you when you leave?" Jeremy just shook his head. "It's not like her."

"You have to remember how clouded her mind is right now, Jeremy," Stefan reminded him. "When you first turn, the hunger is overbearing. Frankly, I'm not surprised she forgot her phone."

"But she could still get a new one with a new plan."

"Yeah," he nodded. "She could."

"I just wish we heard something. I want to know she's okay."

"I know," Stefan sympathized.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Jeremy tossed the phone back on Elena's bed. He looked up at Stefan with endearment.

"Hey man. It's cool of you to hang around here, you know?" He rolled his eyes at his own verbal inadequacy. "I mean, l'm glad you're here. I could use a friend."

Stefan grinned. "Yeah, you're not the only one."

"I miss her," Jeremy admitted.

"Me too." He reached into his back pocket to pull out a crumpled folded paper and smacked it it against his palm. "This might make you feel better though."

* * *

Her letter warmed his heart. He was overjoyed to know she was okay. He wrote a response almost as soon as he'd received it...

_Elena,_

_You don't know how good it is to hear from you. Three weeks has felt like an eternity. I wish you would call. I feel like I can't remember the sound of your voice. But I get it. The letter is enough._

_I'm glad you and Elijah are getting along great. Paris, huh? Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "going the distance". Has he found Katherine yet? Never mind. I'm kidding._

_Jeremy is doing great. I'm keeping an eye on him. We've gotten close, since you left. I guess you could say we're both kind of healing together. He misses his sister, though. You should really consider reaching out to him in some way._

_Damon will be fine. His coping methods are nothing to worry about. You know that. It's Damon, for God's sake. As much as it pains me to say this, I think losing you is hurting him more than losing Ric. Come to think of it, it's really not that hard to relate._

_Come home soon._

_Yours,_

_Stefan_


	3. Chapter 3

******I apologize profusely for the amount of time it's taken to get this updated. I think the majority it has to do with my mindset. It takes a very particular mindset for me to work on this story and I'm so often in Klaroline mode that I forget to give this one attention. I'll try harder though. Promise.**  
  
**Thank you all from the depths of my heart for reviewing, reading, favoriting and following. **

**I really truly appreciate it. Keep 'em coming!**

* * *

Paris, France.

_Stefan, _

_You're over a hundred years old. Three weeks is not an eternity. _

_I'm glad Jeremy's okay. Thank you for watching over him. He really needs a friend right now. I don't want him going back to his old ways, you know? And I will reach out to him. I wanted to call him from one of the pay phones but my French isn't good enough yet to figure out how. Did I leave my cell phone at home, by any chance?_

_No Katherine yet. (Although, according to Damon she's in Rome.) I'm not even sure Elijah's still looking. I think I'm taking up too much of his time. I kind of feel bad about that. Still wondering why he even decided to help me at all. I mean, I know I asked him but I didn't really expect him to say yes._

_I'm so confused, Stefan. Damon told me that no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, I'd have to kill someone eventually. He said I should have done it after the transition, since I'd have to do it either way and sooner was better than later. But Elijah keeps saying that I don't have to kill if I don't want to. I don't know what to believe anymore. Did I make a wrong choice here? _

_I don't want to turn off that switch and lose what humanity I have left. I just wish I knew how to handle everything I'm feeling right now. How do you do it?_

_Missing you always, _

_Elena_

* * *

...Elena hugged the piece of paper to her heart. Just holding it made her miss him more and she hadn't even read the words he'd written yet. As she began to unfold it, she heard something faint, like the blowing of wind. Leaving the paper on the window seat, she got up to inspect the suite.

Another burst of wind echoed and drew her toward the kitchen. But the place was empty. She slowly pulled one of the drawers open, keeping as quiet as possible, and took out a knife for protective uses. By now her heart would be pounding furiously if she wasn't already dead.

Her fear had heightened but so had her senses. She smelled a spicy cologne on the air, and heard the brush of a blanket. They were in the bedroom – her bedroom. She carefully made her way to the door, pushing it forward slowly, brandishing the knife. Once it was fully open, she glanced around. Nothing. Her eyes directed toward the the bathroom inside and she zoomed in with vampire speed, unintentionally. She flipped the light switch up expecting to see the intruder but all she saw was the porcelain sink and toilet, and the paisley shower curtain hanging unmoved. She gripped the knife again, confused.

"You're going to have to do worse than a knife to kill me."

She whipped around, her hair following. There on her bed he lay, tousled brown hair, black jeans and matching t-shirt with the teasingly low cut V in the neck. He was completely at ease with his hands folded behind his head against the pillows, wearing his trademark smirk.

"Damon?" Her eyebrows furrowed. "What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you too, Elena. My life's great, thanks for asking. I could not be happier."

She let out a breath of relief. "Sorry, but when you unexpectedly show up - and in my bed, no less - it's a little surprising."

"You didn't hear me come in?" He tutted. "Some vampire you are."

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Damon?"

"Why do I have to want something?" He sat up, letting his legs dangle off the edge of the enormous bed. "I can't just come say hello?"

"You could have called."

"Phones are so impersonal." He got up and brushed past her going to the living room. "Snazzy suite, you got here. Even better than the last."

Elena followed, growing irritated. "I liked the other one. We would still be there if you hadn't kept coming by unannounced."

"My bad." He spied a mini fridge in the corner, hiding beneath a vase of flowers. "Two fridges? Lemme guess. One for the blood, one for the booze. But which is which?"

"Look, Elijah's going to be back soon. If he finds you in here - "

"What is he your father now?" He scoffed. "Daddy doesn't want boys in the room when he's not home?"

She folded her arms, defensively. "Not ones who tried to kill him and his brother in the past."

"Can't we all just get along?" She frowned, creasing her brow. He smirked at her apparent annoyance. "That's a Stefan face right there."

Her shoulders eased. "How _is _Stefan?"

"Don't know. Don't care." He began rummaging through the mini fridge and raised his eyebrows triumphantly. "Ah. Booze."

"How could you not know?" Elena continued. "You see him every day."

He paused his search, hand still resting on the door, to look up at her. "Elena, I haven't been back to Mystic Falls in a month. I left. For good."

"I don't understand. Why would you leave?"

"Why not?" He rolled his eyes, going back to the fridge. "Needed a change of scenery. The Originals split. Tyler and Caroline's moms are cleaning up the mess. And Stefan's playing house with Jeremy." He lifted his lips in a lopsided grin upon finding three miniature bottles of bourbon. "Seemed like a good time to disappear."

"So you just left?"

"Pretty much." He flicked the twist cap off his thumb sending it rolling across the marble granite. "Actually I'm not so far from you now. Staying in a villa in Rome. You should visit."

"What about Stefan?"

"What _about _Stefan?" He kicked the fridge door closed and swung around while downing the entirety of one bottle. "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself. He doesn't need me. He never needed me."

"Is that what we're gonna do now? Have a pity party?"

"Pity party's still a party," he grinned, toasting her with a new bottle.

"The only reason you think no one cares is because you don't let them. Anytime someone gets close enough, you have to ruin it because you think you're not worthy."

"Sounds like you got me all figured out."

She sighed, shrugging. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, Damon. I never meant to."

"Look, I don't need you to make me feel better, okay? All I need right now, is this," he said, holding up the alcohol and taking a swig.

"So, what? You're gonna go on a destructive binge and kill people until you feel better?"

"You could join me if you like," he smirked.

"I'm not a murderer, Damon."

"Of course you're not. You're a vampire. Small difference." He raised an eyebrow in afterthought. "Actually, not really."

"That doesn't mean people have to die. There is such a thing as will power."

"Excuse me, Ms. Zen. Since when does one kill give you oodles of will power?" She stared at him, bemused. His eyebrows lowered. "Have you _not _made your first kill yet?"

"Elijah's been teaching me to feed without having to drain to the point of death," she told him proudly. "It's all about control."

"That's a load of crap. You're going to kill someone eventually, and the first one is the worst. You should have gotten it out of the way weeks ago."

"I don't _want_ to kill anyone."

"Doesn't matter if you want to or not. It's inevitable."

"No. It's not."

He grabbed her shoulders, staring at her intently. "It will eat at you, Elena. The bloodlust never goes away. And you won't be able to control it until you know how it feels to kill."

"Well, maybe I'm different," she said, raising her chin defiantly.

"Don't be naïve. Stefan was naïve, look where it got him. Or do you not remember that whole mass murder period?"

"Klaus _made _him that way, Damon. He only did it to protect me. And save you!" she reminded him.

"He was that way before he met Klaus! There's a whole history of Stefan the Ripper that you don't even know about."

"Well regardless, I'm not Stefan. I've got this, Damon."

He shook his head, disdained. "I'm gonna have to have a talk with Elijah."

"No. What you're gonna do is leave."

As he began to protest, the door opened and Elijah walked in. His face was a stern as the suit he donned and his eyes darkened at the sight of their guest.

"There's the man of the hour," Damon greeted.

Elijah glanced back and forth between Elena and Damon before nodding in greeting. "Hello, Damon. I wasn't under the impression you were invited in." He glanced at Elena. "You all right?"

"Fine. Damon was actually just leaving."

She began pushing Damon toward the door as he pouted, poking out his lower lip in mock sadness. He slipped away and out of her grasp in the blink of an eye and stopped just before Elijah.

"I was just curious. Why is it you've kept her from making the first kill when you know how important it is?"

Elijah's eyes glazed over. "Elena has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want to kill any humans. I'm simply respecting her wishes."

"Oh please. You're an Original, not God. You can't stop it from happening."

"It must pain you to know that she's managed not to kill after only a month when you still can't seem to control it yourself." He put a fingertip to his chin. "I guess it's not too hard to see why she didn't choose you."

Elena stared at him, crestfallen. "Elijah..."

Damon's nostrils flared, his eyes wide with contempt. "Elena's free to do whatever Elena likes."

"I assure you, she does."

"Well. Thank goodness the world has Elijah Mikaelson to keep tending to the Petrovas." He turned to leave but stopped as if he'd forgotten something. His eyes held a tinge of malice. "Speaking of which, any messages you want me to take back to Katherine?"

Elijah stiffened, his face falling completely. Damon's expression filled with delight, relishing in the Original's reaction.

"She didn't tell you she was in Italy?"

"You're lying."

"Maybe. But if you want a second opinion, you could always ask Klaus." Elijah tried to remain unmoved but something flicked across his eyes. Damon tsked. "I guess it's not too hard to see why she didn't choose you."

Elijah grinned, smoothing out his jacket. "You should go, Damon."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Let me make myself as clear as I possibly can. If I find you here again, the next time, I won't miss."

"Miss what?"

With a swift swish of his jacket, Elijah thrust a dagger deep into Damon's chest. Damon fell to one knee, keeping himself up with his palms on the floor. Elena rushed to him but Damon disappeared out the door. She stopped, shoulders slumping, and turned back to face Elijah.

"What the hell was that?" she asked him incredulously.

"A warning."


End file.
